Of Heartache and Healing
by Kokurai-Alchemist
Summary: A Sesshomaru and Rin fic that I wrote for my friend.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters. The idea is mine and I'm writing it for a friend. Hope you like it!

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><p>Lord Sesshōmaru, Demon Lord of the Western Lands, walked slowly through the forest, as he walked he looked around cataloging the many tree's around him. It had been many years since he had come to this region yet nothing seemed to have changed.<p>

He walked toward Old Lady Kaede's house, passed the sacred tree and thinking of his little brother and his 'wife'. Sesshomaru's lip curled in disgust when he remembered the casual way that woman had called him 'brother-in-law", apparently his minion Jaken was thinking along the same lines.

"Lord Sesshomaru, isn't this the sacred tree that Inuyasha was pinned to several years ago?" When Sesshomaru didn't answer he lapsed back into silence, his green face pulled into a slight frown.

Arriving at the home of the priestess he knocked lightly on door and waited for the old woman to answer the door. When she opened the door he had to fight to hold back his grimace when he saw his younger brother and his wife behind her.

"Sesshomaru!" He half-blood brother exclaimed, jumping to his feet, and stepping in front of his human wife. "What do you want?"

"Inuyasha, isn't it obvious? He's here to see Rin" The woman, no his WIFE, said gently placing her hand on his arm as she stood to address Sesshomaru. "We tried to contact you, but we really had no idea where you had gone."

"Woman!" Jaken said, speaking up before Sesshomaru could say anything, "Contact us for what?"

"Well...uh...you see..." Kagome stuttered out.

"Where is Rin?" Sesshomaru asked quietly, sick of the woman's rambling.

"She got married. About 14 months ago, they live in this village." Kagome said, slightly scared despite herself.

"Married?" Sesshomaru murmured, trying to make sense of the weird feeling inside of his chest. "To who?" He said, turning his cold yellow eyes to her.

"Kohaku." Inuyasha answered when Kagome just sat there. "They seem to be really happy and if your here to ruin that, then I can't let you go any farther."

"You jump to conclusions as usual little brother." Sesshomaru said turning and walking out into the setting sun, thinking deeply. Rin, married? It had been almost 7 years since he had visited her. Doing the math he realized with shock that she would now be 19, and that it made perfect sense that she would be married. Sesshomaru was deeply in though when a sent reached his nose that he would know anywhere.

"Rin!" Sesshomaru raised his head looking around for her. His eyes skimmed over the few random villagers who were out until his eyes locked on a young woman with long brown hair. He approached her carefully, unsure of how he actually felt to be seeing her again. Sensing something behind her the young woman turned meeting Sesshomaru's cold yellow eyes with her light brown ones.

A large smile broke over the woman's face "Lord Sesshomaru!" She exclaimed in delight, running toward him "It's been so long my lord! Where have you been?" She looked into his face as he remained silent, uncertain of what to say. Then a young man he recognized came out

"Rin who's here?" He asked, his voice deeper than the last time Sesshomaru had heard it. Sesshomaru also noted his arms looked more tone, his shoulders and chest broader, a slight stubble on his chest.

"Kohaku, my dear, it's Lord Sesshomaru! I told you he would come back for me!." Rin walked over to her "husband", Sesshomaru's mind shuttered at the term, and wrapped her arm around his waist.

Turning back to Sesshomaru she said "My lord I got married!" She exclaimed, sounding exactly like the little girl he remembered. "And I have someone I want you to meet" She said turning toward the house and cooed "Come out here baby."

Sesshomaru stared blankly at her until a young girl about one and a half teetered out of the door and into Rin's waiting arms. Rin turned the little girl to Sesshomaru and said "My lord this is my daughter."

He stared in surprise, not only was Rin married but she had a child, this information came as a shock but what was even more surprise was the Sesshomaru had no idea how he truly felt about this.

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><p>So yeah, that's chapter one. Let me know what you think! I promise more will happen, this was just setting things up.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Sesshomaru arrived at Rin's small home and knocked on the door. She opened quickly and greeted him with a broad smile that made her look like the little child from Sesshomaru's memory.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin said, gently jiggling the baby on her hip. "Kohaku was just called away to a village; apparently they have been having particular nasty string of snake demons. Would you like to come in?" She chattered away happily as she stood back to admit him entrance.

"Actually Rin, I was wondering if you would accompany me on a walk." Sesshomaru said, trying to understand the almost...fluttering feeling in his stomach.

"I would love to!" Rin exclaimed in excitement. "Just give me a couple of minutes to gather some things then we'll be right out."

20 minutes later, Sesshomaru, Rin and her child, who by now Sesshomaru had learned was named Nuiko, had headed out into a meadow in the woods by Rin's home.

Rin spun her baby in a gentle circle, causing the little girl to giggle and smile. Rin bent down and picked a flower and held it up to her child. When the girl grabbed the flower and crushed it in her chubby hand, Rin let out a laugh.

"Ok baby, let mommy get you some more." Rin said as she walked over, and placed the little girl in Sesshomaru's arms.

"Uh...Rin wait!" Sesshomaru exclaimed. For one of the first times in his life he felt almost completely out of his element. "I don't know what to do!" He said, calling after her as she ignored him and went humming through the flowers.

Sesshomaru held the child at arm's length away, studying the strange squish creature in his hands. The little child giggled, causing unnatural warmth to spread through Sesshomaru's stomach. It wasn't exactly unpleasant so he ignored it as he decided the child was safe and pulled it closer to his face to farther inspect.

The little girl in his arms smiled up at him as she placed one of her chubby hands on his cheek. He was just about to remove it when the little girl spoke one word that seemed completely out of place.

"Da-da!" She said, smiling once more up at the powerful Yokai holding her.

"You must be mistaken, young one; I am not your father." Sesshomaru said to the happy child in his arms.

The little girl ignored him as she once again said "Da-da!" She giggled and clapped her chubby little hands as Sesshomaru looks around no longer sure of what to do.

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><p>Sesshomaru and Rin walked home, with Rin's little girl running around in front of them, her little arms out strait out at her sides, so very much like Rin that it made Sesshomaru feel an odd catch in his throat. When they neared Rin and Kohaku's home, Sesshomaru caught a stranger's scent.<p>

"Rin. There is someone at your home" Sesshomaru informed her in a quiet voice as they rounded the corner and saw a man in black armor standing there.

"It's ok my lord that's Naota. He is a fellow slayer of Kohaku's" Rin explained, but when she had turned to look at him Sesshomaru had disappeared into the trees. "Hello Naota!" Rin called to the young man, waving her arm above her head. She and Kohaku had known Naota for almost a year when he had finally finished training under Kohaku and become an official demon slayer. He was a tall young man, about 21, tall with a dark shock of unruly hair, a happy face and bright green eyes.

Naota looked unusually sad as Rin finally reached her home "Rin I have something I need to tell you. Perhaps we should go inside."

He said standing back so Nuiko and Rin could enter. The whole time Rin was chattering away happily. "So you're finished with your mission? Where is Kohaku? Will he be coming home soon? Nuiko and I just went for a walk with Lord Sesshomaru and I can't wait to tell Kohaku about it."

"Rin….." Naota tried to interrupt her gently. "This is rather important. I really need to tell you something."

"Oh Naota you're always so polite. What is it you need to tell me?" Rin said, turning her back to the young man that sat by her fire pit, as she started to prepare her dinner.

"Rin I really think you should sit down for this." Naota said his quiet voice even quieter. Finally his tone seemed to reach Rin's ears. She sat down and looked Naota in the eye, giving him her full attention. "Rin….."Naota started, unaware of how to word the thoughts rushing around in his head, finally he decided on a more direct approach.

"Rin as you know I was on the mission with Kohaku, it was to be a simple call, a couple of snake demons. We went to the village, set up some traps and sat down to wait for them to come. We were just expecting one or two demons but…." Naota's voice seemed to fail him as he was overcome with the horrible images of the snake demons descending upon them.

"There were so many of them." He finally went on. "And they were so much bigger than we thought they would be. Kohaku and I seemed to be holding them off until one of them got the better of me. I thought I was going to die Rin but then….then…."

"Then what Naota?" Rin said after he didn't say right away.

"Kohaku jumped in front of me, He stopped the snake from getting me." Naota basically whispered this, his eyes glued to his hands laying half curled, palms up, on his legs.

"So Kohaku was wounded? He will be alright though won't he?" Rin said, taking Naota's silence as worry for his friend. "You don't need to worry about Kohaku, Naota, he is very strong. He will heal up and be home to Nuiko and I in no time, just you wait and see!" Rin said, grinning to her friend as she tried to reassure him about her husband's welfare.

"Rin…..Kohaku wasn't wounded." Naota said to Rin.

"So what then?" Rin said, her face looking puzzled as she tried to wrap her mind around what Naota was saying.

"Rin, Kohaku was killed." Naota said, when Rin showed no sign of hearing him he said it again, this time in a gentler tone. "Kohaku is dead."

Rin sat there in shock; she was quiet for so long that Naota began to grow worried. "Rin, I'm so sorry I feel like this is my entire fault, if there is anything I can-"

"Naota, can you please leave? I need some time to myself." Rin said. Naota nodded and stood, saying something as he left, but Rin didn't hear it over the words repeating in her head over and over '_Kohaku is dead.' _There was no way, Kohaku was so strong and brave, and there was no way he could be taken down by some snake demon. Was there? '_Kohaku is dead_'

Unaware of what she was doing Rin crumpled to her side and began to cry, hard chest wracking sobs, the kind she hadn't cried since the day her family was killed. And in her mind the same three words kept repeating

'_Kohaku is dead'_

'_Kohaku is dead'_

'_Kohaku is dead'_

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><p><em>So that's chapter 2! This is kinda a bday upload for icegirljenni. Sorry if you find it sad, couse it kinda is sad.<em>


	3. Chapter 3

So I redid the start a little. Sorry icegirljenna I guess I didn't really think it through.

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><p>Sesshomaru walked slowly to Rin's home, thinking over what had happened yesterday. The look on that mortal man's face had seemed very serious, Sesshomaru wondered what he had come to tell Rin.<p>

Arriving at Rin's house, Sesshomaru was just raising his fist to knock on the door when he caught a scent that seemed out of place here. Sniffing deeper it seemed to be…..salt water? There was no body of water anywhere near here and yet that was certainly the scent he smelled.

Knocking gently, Sesshomaru started to open the door but was shocked away when Rin slammed all her weight on the other side. "Rin, what are you doing?" He asked, thrown off slightly by her strange behavior.

"Lord Sesshomaru, could…could you come back later? I want to be by myself right now." Rin said, her voice sounding abnormal.

"Rin, has something happen?" Sesshomaru asked, getting slightly worried about her. Her voice sounded strangely thick as though she had been….crying! Suddenly the salt water scent made sense; this revelation only served in making Sesshomaru more concerned. "Rin let me in." He commanded quietly.

"My lord I really wish to be alone. Please leave me alone for a little while." Rin's voice sounded slightly unhinged.

"Rin…." Sesshomaru didn't know what to say at this point, although he felt he couldn't abandon her at this point not with something clearly wrong.

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" Rin screamed, followed by a loud thump that could only be her smacking the door. "I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYONE!" She screamed this too and suddenly the salt water scent of tears was back.

"Rin, What are you talking about?" Sesshomaru was fully confused now, a feeling that was bizarre and foreign to him.

"Rin what happened?" Had she not been upset she would have heard the slight note of distress to Sesshomaru's otherwise normal tone. "Tell me what you're talking about. Have I done something?"

"It's not you! It's the rest of them! The filthy demons that cause only sadness and hatred!"

"Rin I don't know what you're talking about." Sesshomaru said, keeping his tone calm, trying to reassure this distraught girl. Rin however didn't want to be reassured

"JUST LEAVE!" Rin screamed however she instantly regretted it, more than anything she wanted Lord Sesshomaru here to hold her and make it all ok, be that strong silent pillar of strength he has always been. But she also couldn't bear to look him in the face. Couldn't bear to look at him and see the cool calculating look he always got in his eyes when something had been said that struck a chord deep inside of him, a chord that meant he was secretly offended. And most importantly she couldn't even begin to comprehend the empty hole in side her heart where Kohaku uses to be, but she knew if she allowed him Sesshomaru could fill that hole and make her completely forget her husband and his love.

On the other side of the door Sesshomaru was having an internal battle as well. He knew that he shouldn't care. He should simple approach this with the same detached, aloof attitude he saw every other thing in life, and proceed inside that home. But at the same time something deep within him seemed to be breaking, ripping out until it felt like there was a hole inside of his chest.

Sesshomaru rested his hand on the door, he could almost feel Rin's grief and bitterness through the roughly cut wood. He opened him mouth to say something but nothing came to mind. After letting his hand linger over the door for a moment longer he turned and walked away, casting one last look at the small cottage before he walked into the forest.

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><p>Sesshomaru pauses outside of Kaede's house, no longer sure if this was truly a good idea. Before he could turn and walk away, to hopefully come up with a better plan, the door to the home opened and Inuyasha walked out followed closely by Kagome.<p>

"What are you doing here Sesshomaru?" Inuyasha asked, his voice still holding some of that old hostility Sesshomaru was so used to.

"I haven't come for you little brother. I came to ask something of that wife of yours." Sesshomaru said, his eyes bypassing Inuyasha and resting on Kagome. He was already regretting coming here, yet he could think of no one else who he could ask.

Kagome stepped forward "What do you need Sesshomaru?" She asked her voice much more hospitable than Inuyasha's.

"I need to speak with you." Sesshomaru's eyes darted to Inuyasha "Alone" he finished as his eye's rested back on the woman.

"Ok" Kagome agreed and stared forward toward the Demon Lord.

"Kagome" Inuyasha stopped her, the concern in his eyes evident. Even after everything that they had been through, he still didn't trust his older brother farther then he could throw him, and many past fights had proven that wasn't far at all.

"It's ok Inuyasha. I trust him." Kagome said, trying to convince Inuyasha with her eyes. Then, before he could say anything else, she turned and walked off with Sesshomaru.

After walking for a few minutes and after a long uncomfortable silence that made even Sesshomaru feel uncomfortable, Kagome broke the ice "So what did you need to talk to me about?"

"Something…."Sesshomaru trailed off. He was unsure of how to say this, so he opted for direct approach. "Something has happened to Rin. And I….I don't…"

"You don't know how to console her?" Kagome guessed. Judging by the look on Sesshomaru's face she would say that her guess was right on the money.

"It's just….I've never actually….been involved in…..something like this before." Sesshomaru hated feeling this way, like he was completely clueless and pathetic enough that he had to ask for a _**human's **_help.

Kagome seemed not only oblivious to Sesshomaru's discomfort, she seemed all too eager to help "You need to be there for her!" Kagome exclaimed, her eyes lighting up as she clenched her fist in front of her face. "You need to prove that your more than just a demon, you need to prove that you're a friend!"

Sesshomaru stared blankly at the human woman, as much as he hated to admit that actually made _**sense. **_Not wanting to show the woman any kind of fondness or thanks he simply nodded, turned and walked away.

Suddenly a though came to Kagome "Wait!" She yelled after Sesshomaru, when he ignored her she kept trying "What happened to Rin!"

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><p>Sesshomaru walked back to Rin's house slowly, thinking over what Kagome had said. To be honest he still didn't fully comprehend why Rin was mad at him, it was clear it had something to do with him being a demon. Sesshomaru sighed, the more the thought about this the more he didn't know what to do.<p>

Arriving at Rin's home for the second time that day, Sesshomaru faltered for an instant before he knocked on the door lightly. "R-Rin?" He asked, his voice coming out quietly and unsure.

From deep within the house he could hear sniffling, and then a small tearful voice called out. "Go away. I don't want to speak with anyone!"

"Rin…"Sesshomaru stopped, he was about to do something he had never done before, something he had never imaged he would say "I….I don't know exactly what I did but….I'm….I'm….sorry." The word tasted odd on his tongue yet somehow he knew that was what he needed to say. "I'm a demon, nothing can change that. But I can control how I use my power. I swear to you that I will never do anything to harm you Rin, you have my word."

Suddenly the door burst open and Rin fell sobbing into Sesshomaru's arms "Oh my Lord! I'm so sorry!" Rin's tears stopped long enough for her to look Sesshomaru in the eye and say "He's dead my Lord, Kohaku is dead! I don't know what to do."

After she said the horrid words that had been haunting her mind, she dissolved into tears once again, her sobs so strong they shook even Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru looked down at Rin crying in his arms, but the only thing he could see was the little girl she had once been.

In a flash of affection, Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around the sad woman and rested his cheek on the top of her head. Seeing her like this, in the depths of sorrow, made something deep inside of Sesshomaru's heart hurt so bad he unconsciously held her closer to him. If only he could lend her his strength, if only he could take some of crushing sadness from her frail human shoulders, he would.

All these thoughts raced through his head as he stood there, holding his crying charge and time lost all meaning, all he knew is that something about it felt right. Having this weak girl in his arms and wanting nothing more than to protect her from the harshness of the world, never had he thought he would feel something like this.

It was at that exact moment that Sesshomaru realized he had a true problem. A problem he had never though a powerful demon such as himself would ever have, His feelings for Rin had changed, he didn't know how exactly only that they were becoming increasingly more powerful. And he no longer knew how to comprehend them.

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><p>So yeah thats it. I still think it came out sounding ok but let me know what ya all think.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Sesshomaru sat quietly in the warm little home, staring into the flames directly in front of him. His hand unconsciously stroked the dark head of hair that rested on his leg. He glanced down at Rin and her child, both sleeping soundly wrapped in his shoulder fur to hold off the chill of the night.

An almost unnoticed smile tugged at the corner of him mouth as he looked at Rin's gentle sleeping face. Clasp tightly to her chest, little Nuiko grasped gently to Sesshomaru's fur boa.

After Rin had ran sobbing in to Sesshomaru's arms, he had relocated her into the front room and then gently coaxed the whole story out of her. Then he had held her close as she had let the final tears fall and finally lapses into an exhausted sleep.

When Sesshomaru had first brought Rin in her home Nuiko had stared in distraught sadness between Rin and Sesshomaru until finally Rin had scooped her little girl up in her arms and held her tight.

"Ma-ma." The little girl had said in a sweet tone as she patted her Mother on the back. This had only succeeded in bringing about a fresh bought of tears.

His mind wandered back to the present as his hand continued to stroke Rin's hair. "What is going on?" Sesshomaru wondered. Never before had he felt this need, this _longing _to be close to someone. To constantly be touching her, as if reassuring himself that she was real, and that she wasn't about to leave him.

"This is getting…." Sesshomaru sighed "Complicated" Down on his lap Rin stirred, murmured something that sounded very close to "Lord Sesshomaru" then fell back into unconsciousness with a slight, comfortable sigh.

As confused as he was, he was more than content to sit like this. Being of use and feeling the warmth from more than just the fire penetrate him to the core. He looked out the small window and up to the night sky, seeing the stars twinkle, and for the first time he truly noticed the beauty of it.

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><p>Rin opened her eyes to shafts of sunlight shining into the room feeling warm, and content. When she felt a hand stroke her hair she jerked up in slight alarm only to find Lord Sesshomaru staring at her, his normally cold yellow eyes held a slight warmth in their depths.<p>

"Lord Sesshomaru? When did I fall asleep?" Rin said thinking back, when she remembered the way she sobbed her face grew hot.

Sesshomaru saw the blood rise to her cheeks and inside his own chest he felt something else heat up slightly, causing that strange urge to smile to once again rise. He dismissed the feeling and instead he reverted his eyes back to the smoldering embers.

"You needed the rest, you and Nuiko both." Sesshomaru said giving Rin a sideways look.

"Nuiko!" Rin gasped and looked down at the place where her daughter should be laying, when she wasn't there Rin's head darted up and looked around in panic.

"My little brother and his wife came by a while ago and offered to take her for a while." Sesshomaru

"Oh…..so….We're alone?" Rin asked, her eyes lighting up with the words.

"I guess so." Sesshomaru said, confused by the excited look in Rin's eyes.

"Lord Sesshomaru lets go out!" Rin exclaimed, grabbing one of Sesshomaru's hands in both of hers.

"Out?" Sesshomaru said, eyeing their connected hands, noting how much Rin's hands had grown, and how they fit perfectly in between his own.

"Yes! Let me show you the village! I'll introduce you to my friends!" Rin stood eagerly and started to head for the door.

"Rin." Sesshomaru said, his quiet tone stopping her in her tracks. "I know you might not want to but…."Here he trailed off, trying to find the gentle way to say this. "Rin we have to go to Kohaku's grave. It's only been three days Rin, you owe him that much." Sesshomaru finished.

Rin's shoulders slumped as she listened to this. "Your right my lord." She turned to him, her face holding sadness that seemed too old for her gently face. "Will…will you come with me?" She asked, her tone betraying the fear she was trying to hide.

Sesshomaru felt, once again the overwhelming need to protect this young girl, this girl who meant so much to him. "Yes, I will go with you." He said, knowing she would need him by her side as she faced this.

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><p>Sesshomaru looked at Rin and Nuiko, sitting atop Au-Un's back, Nuiko still smiling and happy from her day of playing with Inuyasha and Kagome. The nearer they got to the village the more Rin started to fidget and try to convince Sesshomaru to go back. "Perhaps we could come another time. I don't think I'm ready to do this Lord Sesshomaru."<p>

"It's alright Rin, you can do this." Sesshomaru said, flying steadily next to Au-Un, and then he saw the village rapidly approaching.

When they landed, panic erupted as the villagers scrambled to get out of the way. Cries of "It's a Demon! Run!" Could be heard from various people as they tried to gather their children and hide inside their homes as quickly as they could.

"Wait!" Rin shouted, jumping down from Au-Un's back and ran toward the villagers with her hands raised high to show them she meant no harm. "He's a good demon! He doesn't mean you any harm!"

Sesshomaru watched this all in awe, how many times was this girl going to risk her life for his? This weak human girl had stood up for him, over and over again and he had never once asked that of her.

"Rin." Sesshomaru said, causing her to turn to him. "It would be better if I was out of sight." He turned and walked off, causing Rin to panic slightly until he turned and looked at her over his shoulder. "Don't worry I won't be far."

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><p>Rin arrived at the mound of dirt and plank of wood that marked Kohaku's grave. She dropped numbly to her knees, her eyes locked on the grave. Distantly she heard her villager guild mutter something about giving her time, and then she was alone.<p>

A slight rustling in the trees announced the Demon Lord's arrival, but even if she hadn't heard him Rin was aware of his silent, powerful presence behind her.

Sesshomaru stared down at the sad girl, something inside of him hurt too. Like seeing this grief, even though not his own, was affecting him.

"I don't know how I'm going to go on without him, my lord…..I really don't." Rin said sadly, running her hand over Kohaku's name carved into the simple plank of wood. At her side Nuiko stared in between her mother and the grave, not understand the wretchedness of the situation.

"Well we'll have to find out together won't we?" Sesshomaru said, speaking before he had time to fully process what this might mean to her. "We'll just have to find out together." He repeated it and knew then that he could live the rest of his life next to this girl and be happy.

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><p>So yes everyone! That's chapter 4! Sesshomaru is kinda starting to realises he might be in deeper then he barganded for here! haha. Thanks to all who have kept up, and to all who have left comments! It's funny to think that this just started on a whim and now its 4 chapters long! Anywho hoped you enjoyed!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

here we are! Chapter 5! Sorry if it seems slow moving at first, it gets better I promise! I own nothing, though I do kinda wish I owned Sesshomaru! Writing a fic about him has kinda made me fall for him! haha anyway thanks for reading! And darn you CocoCharm! I put in a nice big chunk with Nuiko this time senice you seem more obsessed with her then the story! xP

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><p>Sesshomaru arrived at Rin's home early in the morning, pausing momentarily at the door, as he listened to the noises of Rin and Nuiko playing. He was about to knock when suddenly the door burst open wide and Nuiko ran straight into his legs, hugging them with all her strength.<p>

"Sessy!" She giggled as she clung to the powerful demon lord. "Ma-ma, Sessy here!" The little girl called back in happiness.

"My lord! Nuiko and I have been waiting for you! We're going to the lake soon; would you like to join us?" Rin's face was alight with excitement as she asked this, so much that Sesshomaru simple couldn't say no.

"Yes I can accompany you." Sesshomaru said trying to retain his regular, cool exterior and not showing Rin how much he really wanted to spend the day with Rin and her child.

Sesshomaru walked side by side with Rin, Nuiko had _insisted_ that "Sessy ride! Sessy ride!" And before he could say otherwise Rin had lifted the girl up onto his shoulders and instructed him to hold on to her legs.

Nuiko giggled and kicked her feet as she pulled at Sesshomaru's long white hair "Faster! Faster!" she giggled. Sesshomaru looked at Rin for help but she only started to laugh at the look of total confusion on his face and the look of elation on Nuiko's.

"Rin, must I carry her like this? It feels….odd" Sesshomaru winced as Nuiko started to bounce, chanting "Faster! Faster! FASTER!"

Then, from high atop her perch, Nuiko spotted the lake "Wa-ta! Wa-ta!" She cried in excitement. Sesshomaru looked at Rin in confusion but Rin was looking at Nuiko.

"That's right baby! There's the water!" Rin exclaimed as she ran toward it. "Come on Lord Sesshomaru!" She said waving him along, trying to get him to catch up with her.

Atop his shoulders Nuiko started to squirm around, her little arms reaching for her mother. Sesshomaru lifted her off and set her gently on the ground, expecting her to immediately run after her mother. Instead she grabbed his hand and pulled him in the direction of the shining water and her mother.

"Sim! Sim!" She said, so excited she could hardly speak. Sesshomaru looked at Rin again in confusion; his question was answered a second later when Nuiko jumped into the lake fully clothed.

"Wait for me!" Rin laughed as she pulled her dress up around her knees and splashed in after her daughter. She laughed as Nuiko started jumping and splashed her, then turned back toward the sure and smiled at Sesshomaru. "My Lord, are you going to join us?"

"No, I'll stay here" Sesshomaru said, simply. Rin nodded, accepting this, and went back to playfully splashing Nuiko.

Sesshomaru stood silently in the shade of the tree, watching the two play for some time. As he watched her he felt warmth, not caused by the sun, bloom inside his chest. The thought came again that this was where he belonged, here with this breakable, yet tough girl.

Nuiko came splashing out of the water and ran up to Sesshomaru, her little face red from running around in the water, her clothes dripping wet. She ran up near him, grabbed his shoulder fluff and pulled it with her as she lay down in the sunlight.

Squinting in the sunlight, Nuiko looked up at Sesshomaru, smiled and gave his fur a tug. "Sessy sit!"

"I think I'd rather-" Sesshomaru started to say, then suddenly Rin's weight joined Nuiko's on his shoulder fluff and he allowed himself to be pulled down into a sitting position.

So there he sat Nuiko on one side, Rin on the other feeling the warmth of the sun beat down on the small group. Soon enough Nuiko fell asleep, leaving Rin and Sesshomaru sitting in the warm afternoon light.

Trying to be subtle, Rin looked at Sesshomaru out of the corner of her eye. This was the man who had protected her, saved her numerous times, to tell the truth he had basically raised her. So why was she now feeling the overwhelming need to be near him all the time?

Sesshomaru glanced over at Rin and noticed the slight flush rising to her cheeks, he searched his memory trying to remember what this meant. His mind recalled that time when Rin had gotten ill and had been running a high fever; this memory caused concern to raise in his mind.

"Are you….feeling unwell?" Sesshomaru asked awkwardly, as concerned as he was, he was unsure how to voice it in a way that Rin would understand.

"Yes! I'm fine, thank you for your concern!" Rin said, her face turning redder as she ducked away from Sesshomaru so he couldn't see her embarrassment. The thought that someone as powerful as Sesshomaru would worry about her, caused a flutter to rise in Rin's chest.

The urge to smile rose so strongly that for a small moment Sesshomaru allowed the small, almost undetectable smile to rise to his lips as he looked from Nuiko sleeping on his left side, to Rin on his right.

Rin, with her embarrassment finally under control, turned back just as the smile vanished from Sesshomaru's face. "My Lord I just wanted to thank you for being here like this. I mean these last few days have been….crazy. And I don't know how I would have been able to get though if you hadn't been here. I just….I loved Kohaku so much….It almost feels as if a part of me has been taken from me."

Love, there was that word again. Sesshomaru had never given much thought to the word, before the only thing he had truly cared about was power and protecting what was his. "Rin…..What does love mean to you?" Because if he knew only one thing about love it was this, love was different for each person.

"What does love mean to me?" Rin laughed as she dropped her head back to squint her eyes up at the sun. "I guess love is….love is less of an idea and more of _feeling. _Love is wanting to be with someone all the time. Love is giggling at silly jokes that are only funny between the two of you. Love is knowing that no matter what, you will always come back to that person at the end of the day."

Sesshomaru thought this over, it seemed to make sense. "Rin do you love me?" He asked, surprised by the feeling of…fear that was raised inside when he thought of what the answer could be.

Rin giggled like it was the funniest question she had heard all day. "Oh course I love you my lord! I owe my life to you." She said it all so simply, as if it where an answer he should already be aware of.

Sesshomaru sat quietly for a time, deep in thought. Was this the type of love he had been thinking about when he had asked that question? More importantly was this the only type of love he wanted from Rin?

That thought caused him to become unsure of himself; he was Lord Sesshomaru, The Great Demon Lord of the Western lands. Surely he didn't need something as simple as love from a human to make him feel complete.

Yet now that he had thought of that he was no longer able to get the thought out of his head. His little brother had been so weak before, yet once he had gotten that woman he had seemed to grow much stronger, to the point that he had even brought Sesshomaru to his knees.

But that was wrong as well, even if he did want this 'love' he didn't want it only for the power did he? Did 'love' have any power at all? Or was it simply a human concept that he had no hopes of understanding?

Rin glanced over at Sesshomaru in concern; he had been quiet for some time now. Had she said something wrong? She had answered his questions with complete honesty hadn't she? Now that she thought about it, he had been lapsed into silence after he had asked her if she loved him.

How could she not love Lord Sesshomaru? He had been there through everything, even when he had vanished for a time she had always known that he would come back because he cared for her. But was it simple care such as the care a guardian has for their charge, or was it something more?

Rin was shocked as that, surely that was not the case was it? Was it possible that Lord Sesshomaru cared past the need to protect her? Rin was about to ask him when suddenly Sesshomaru lifted Nuiko's head off lap and placed it gently on the ground.

"I have to leave. I'll come by tomorrow perhaps." Sesshomaru said simply as he walked away. Rin watched him leave, now more confused than ever. Little did she know that Sesshomaru was similarly confused.

Sesshomaru walked away quickly, he needed time to think, things had simply gotten too complicated. There was no way that the strange feeling he kept getting in his chest when he was around Rin was 'love' was there? Was it even possible for a being such as him to feel love? And even if this was love, what was he supposed to do about it?

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><p>Alas! The taboo "L" word has FINALLY arrived! I feel like I can offically start moving now! I mean these first 5 chapters still feel like the prequl to my story! Haha I hope you'll all stick with me, even though I have made some serious lapses in judgment lately. Thank you all for forgiving me, I would be lost without you all.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

So I feel like nothing I say can make it ok. I am SOOOOO sorry that this took so long. Life has been crazy and in it all this just sorta lost its appeal. I do love writing and of course I'm gonna keep writing but I probably won't update as often as I used to. I really do feel bad for taking so long to update when all of you have been so nice to read it. Hope this chapter is as good as the last ones.

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><p>Rin paced back and forth in uneasiness, Nuiko sitting by the fireplace looked up from her doll to her mother.<p>

"Ma-ma?" Nuiko asked in her sweet little voice.

"Yes baby?" Rin said in a distracted tone, not so much as glancing at her daughter.

"Where Sessy?" She asked having been expecting him to be here when she woke up, as he normally was.

Rin stared at her before answering simply "I don't know where he is baby. I don't know where he is." Because like her daughter, Rin had become accustomed to having Lord Sesshomaru being here every morning, yet it was getting well into the afternoon and she had yet to see any sign of him.

Rin resumed her pacing, thinking over the last time she had seen Lord Sesshomaru "What does love mean to me?" She mused out loud hoping that uttering the words would help her make sense of them. Why had he asked such a strange question of her? Surely…surely it wasn't because he didn't know what love was? No! The idea that Lord Sesshomaru didn't understand something was completely incomprehensible!

Suddenly Rin pulled up short it wasn't that Lord Sesshomaru didn't understand love, it must be that he was _**testing**_ her, to see if _**she**_ knew what love was! Rin gasped at this inspiration, that must be it! Not only was Lord Sesshomaru testing her, but he must have found something in her answer unsatisfactory, that's why he wasn't here!

Rin felt her face grow hot at the idea that she may have offended Lord Sesshomaru with her childlike description of love. Maybe she should have thought through what she said before she had simply blurted out the first thing that had come to her mind.

While Rin fretted about all this, deep within the woods Sesshomaru was also battling odd emotions. Sesshomaru stood on a cliff overlooking the ocean, standing motionless despite the strong wind that buffed him from different sides.

He had been thinking a lot about the last conversation he had had with Rin, yet no matter how much he though it over he still couldn't make sense of it. Despite what Rin had said, Sesshomaru still didn't have a clear idea what love was.

Was it simply the ideas that Rin had mentioned? Or could it be more? And if it was more how much more? Or was "love" some boundless, overwhelming, unnoticed force that roamed wild throughout the universe?

The very idea of love was something very distant and strange, yet something inside of Sesshomaru seemed to call out to the idea that something might explain the chain of bizarre emotions he had been feeling lately.

But was the things he feeling love? How could someone who doesn't fully understand love experience it? And what where you supposed to do with love once you had obtained it?

Sesshomaru glared out at the waves slapping against the shore. Very rarely did he feel such a high level of frustration toward anything, let alone such a trivial matter as the meaning to love.

Finally able to think of no other explanations, Sesshomaru turned away from the ocean. He was walking into the woods when he caught sight of the sun. Why was it so low in the sky, at that level it would mean it was inching into early afternoon.

Sudden he understood why, because it _**was**_ early afternoon. He turned and headed through the forest in the direction of Rin's home. Where had the time gone? How long had he simply stood on the cliff trying to sort through the foreign emotions swirling around inside of him?

He arrived at Rin's home a few moments later, feeling almost as if he had to explain his absence. Before his mind could come up with a proper explanation his body has already knocked on the door.

Rin opened the door quickly, her face lighting up when she saw Lord Sesshomaru but fell slightly as she recalled the supposed reason he was late.

Sesshomaru opened his mouth, hoping some sort of explanation would come out when Rin spoke first "My Lord I'm so sorry for what I said yesterday!" She exclaimed in a rush as her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment.

"Rin….What are you talking about?" Sesshomaru asked, completely unaware of what she meant.

"I know why you've been avoiding me my lord. I know that you must be angry about what I said last night, but if you could tell me what I did wrong then I'll be sure never to do it again my lord!" Rin said not even daring to look at Sesshomaru.

"Rin" Sesshomaru said, placing his hand on her shoulder before he even had the chance to think about it. "I'm not angry with you." He moved his hand off her shoulder as subtly as he could; it slightly astonished him how much he had like feeling of her gentle, soft shoulders beneath his hand.

He paused a moment, thinking his words over carefully before he said "Even if I had been angry with you there was no way I could stay that way." As he said it he knew it was true, there was something inside of Rin that was truly…..good. A childlike gentleness that try as he might he could not even fathom staying mad at this beautiful young woman.

Suddenly he froze, caught off guard by the descriptive word his mind had chosen without his consent. Never before had he thought of Rin in that sense, not that it wasn't true, it was simply that most powerful demons such as Sesshomaru placed little value on something as simple as physical appearance. So the fact that he had noticed caused him to question what other strange thoughts would be entering his head soon.

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><p>So that's all! I like responses or messages, they let me know: A:your actually reading and B:How I'm doing as a writer. And if you have anything you want to see let me know! =D<p> 


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